Fantasy Mustache: Second Base

Genuine Tip for a Better Career and Life: Jemile Weeks

I like the Weeks brothers a whole bunch. I’m not entirely sure where this bias comes from(part of it is the sheer joy of screaming RIIIIICK-AYYYYY when you own R. Weeks on a fantasy team.), but I wish the best for both brothers, despite the elder Weeks brother’s implications in a PED scandal.

 

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Jemile was supposed to be locking down his role at 2B around now. Instead, the A’s have added Jed Lowrie into a crowded infield, leaving Weeks fighting for at bats (no move to the OF, Oakland has 4 very solid ones). Here’s Weeks and his uninspiring projections for 2013;

 

Bill James (only 377 AB!!!): .265 AVG / .337 OBP  / 16 2B / 5 3B /2 HR / 44 R / 28 RBI / 14 SB

 

Let’s be fair, given his unsure spot those numbers are relatively solid.  And shoot Jemile, you’re one step away from a lifestyle of badassery – forget baseball for a second. You’ve got some awesome hair and a wise little patch on your chin, you look like a cool dude. But that cool dude has yet to be the major leaguer once expected. It’s time to grow up and be a man.  Forget solid.  Solid is boring.  You know what’s not boring?

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THIS.

Damn. That’s a fine mustache. That’s an extra-base hits mustache. That’s a soulful tenor sax solo mustache. A double digit steals mustache. A smooth double play mustache. Dare I say a fedora-worthy mustache (sadly the Mustache Projection Wizard 5000™ does not possess fedora capabilities, so use your imagination).

As always, the numbers don’t lie:

 

Mustache Projection Wizard 5000™ (NOW WITH 545 AB!!!): .299 AVG / .366 OBP  / 33 2B / 15 3B / 9 HR / 88 R / 57 RBI / 33 SB

 

With that mustache, Weeks can become the solid everyday Second Baseman we’ve all expected.  Scott Sizemore can’t grow lip fur like that, I assure you.

The A’s embrace and thrive on personality, even bizarre ones (see: Josh ‘Caveman Lawyer‘ Reddick). Weeks need only a mustache grooming kit to start being another beloved oddity, become Oakland’s starting 2B, rise as a valuable fantasy commodity, and a jumpstart a fine saxaphoning career.

Behold the fuzzy power.

Stay groomed,

-V

 

I’m not doing another Second Base installment, so here, as a special Valentine’s Day gift, here is Dustin Pedroia:

Rest in Piece, Rod Beck

Rest in Piece, Rod Beck

 

 

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Filed under Baseball, Fantasy Baseball, MLB, second base, Sleepers

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