Dr. Suckitude : Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize that Billionaires, Millionaires, and Beat Writers Suck on Nearly Equal Levels

This sucks.  Forget being eloquent, scholarly, or even a half-decent writer.  What happened to the Red Sox in the final month of the season and what ha continued to go on in the following weeks has relegated me to pre-adolescent, instinctual language.  And this f#!@ing sucks.

look at these weinersaurus rexes (that's actually a more clever line than you're giving it credit for, rex=king --> get on my level)

I know, I know.  you’re thinking to yourself – “But Will, you’re a quoted Red Sox expert (here), you seem so calm and composed, where is this coming from?  What is happening!?!?!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE VOICE OF REASON!!!!”

False.

I repeated it for clarity.

I am mad as hell and I ain’t gonna take it anymore.  And neither is most of this “Red Sox Nation” (whose creation, naming and pink-hattedness is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT rant)

Occupy Fenway, it’s real.  Twitter   a blog.   People are mad.  And they should be.

This whole situation stinks to high hell.  At every turn, management gets greasier and greasier.  John Henry’s contrives “impromtu appearance” on the sportshub 98.5 in Boston is just piling on.  A blatant PR move, Henry may have thought he was helping with damage control, but some of us are smarter than that.  Anyone who was on the fence about where the mysterious “anonymous sources” within the organization have been coming from should wise up.  Henry’s desperate play proves it.  The Red Sox triumvirate thought they were smarter than all of us and thought they could pull all the right strings and we would blindly believe what they were spewing:

-Tito was a pill popping animal.  A syrup sippin n******, so high you couldn’t reach him with a f###ing antenna

-Theo was a petulant brat (ok this might be kinda true)

-Theo pushed the buttons on the Carl Crawford move

Everything the ownership group has been saying has, to a skeptic eye, been a conceited PR spin.  The way they have conducted themselves as businessmen (let alone, human beings) is disgusting.  In any other facet of society, they would be getting sued out the ass – and losing.

The sports world is a bizzaro world.  The fact that, no matter how much excessive drinking he partakes in (honestly, I have my sources, that’s not something I’d make up and throw around) around Boston, no matter how badly he pitches (worst in the majors), no matter how many wives he leaves with cancer (one, one too many), John Lackey sill is GUARANTEED millions and millions of dollars is simply repulsive.  Just ponder this for a moment: if Lackey, god and satan forbid, replicates his pisspoor 2011 season in 2012, the Red Sox may be forced to cut him.  This is understandable.  JOHN LACKEY WILL STILL MAKE 15 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT WOULD MOST PEOPLE DO WITH 15 MILLION DOLLARS?! PAY FOR THEIR KIDS, GRANDKIDS, GREAT-GRANDKIDS, GREAT-GREAT GRANDKIDS, AND GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDKIDS COLLEGE EDUCATIONS!!?!?!  The issue of inflated contracts is well beyond being too mad about as a fan, but Lackey’s in particular makes me sick.  I hate J.D. Drew.  I can say that about very few people in the WORLD.  As cynical and angry as I may be sometimes, I rarely use that word with any sincerity.  I hate J.D. Drew because he is supremely talented.  If I had half the talent of Drew, I would work so hard every day to stay in the majors, people would question my sanity.  But say what you will about Drew as a player (lord knows I do), he is by all accounts a good man and a shy soul- probably, when it comes down to it, not suited for Boston.  My distaste can only go so far.  He may be ‘weak’ to many of us, he may drive us crazy looking at pitches, but his game was getting on base and it is easy to see why a player like Drew would interest Theo.

cluck you, lackey

Lackey is a different animal.

John Lackey is a douchebag (pardon my French).

John Lackey sucked in Boston, as J.D. Drew often did, and managed to convey that he cared LESS THAN J.D. DREW!!!  As much as Drew angers me, Lackey, and his lack of accountability, makes Drew look like a goddamn hero.

Go back and look over some Lackey quotes throughout 2011.  Don’t drink while you do it.  You will be furious.  While there is a legitimate beef with the Red Sox training staff, or legitimate questions about the desire of some players (like Drew), Lackey just sucked.  And refused to admit it.  I swear, if he goes 4 innings and gives up 9 runs, gestures at Pedroia on a flare to center and come out after the game and calls out THE DEFENSE one. more. time.  I am going to go bananas and try to crash his car.  John Lackey is the scum of the earth.  The fact that he makes more in a year than hard-working Americans will make in a lifetime should make you blood boil. This tangent is getting out of control, but I hope it makes you realize how disgusting John Lackey is as a human being.  While my anger with management stems more from my understanding of business and my distaste for the talk around Tito’s and Theo’s departures, my full-fledged hatred of Lackey has blossomed over the last months over his aura as a human being.

Moving on,

This whole situation is gross.  In all likelihood, the Red Sox will settle for cash compensation for Theo Epstein.  Yeah, like the guys who have 160 foot yachts need additional funding to bring in more overrated, boozehound scumbags.  The good name of one of the best coaches, personalities and human beings ever to coach in Boston sports is in question.  There is legitimate concern that, despite the likes of Dustin Pedroia and JonathanPapelbon, the clubhouse is in disarray (regardless of what Robot Henry says).  These are not post-champion Red Sox storylines.  This reminds me of how I grew up with the Red Sox, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Waiting for the but wait…. there’s more.  My anger jumps from Management, to Theo, and generally settling on 1)Lackey 2) Beckett and 3) Newspaper reporters.  The reporter, so desperate to sell a dying medium, dragging Tito through the mud.  Beckett, by all accounts never really growing up.  And Lackey, as I said, being the worst kind of person.

Honestly, I started writing this with the intention of skewering the management.  They deserve a healthy serving of the blame pie.  Terry Francona does not.  That’s what no one is talking about.  In sports today, it is naive to think the manager matters any more than being a therapist.  Tito was a wizard.  The fact that his players went off the deep end is not a detriment to Francona, but rather spoke volumes to how abusive and immature millionaires can still be.  Doc Rivers will be facing similar issues whenever the NBA decides to come back – discontent millionaires who don’t want to listen.  In my heart, I know it was someone in the management offices who has and continues to spill information.  There are simply no players it makes sense for and most regular human beings have more sense.

Money corrupts, right down to your common decency. That’s what this mess after the Red Sox collapse is about.  That’s what the Occupy Wall Street/Boston/ America campaign is about – people with money are not inherently the smartest people.  Nor do they deserve to have any ruling power.  Blame trickles down.  Terry Francona did not deserve this, and my heart goes out to him.  Personal and professional should not be mixed unless substantiated, like John Lackey being a scumbag in both his personal and professional life.

I love the Red Sox.  I love baseball.  I love sports.  But this scene around Fenway is casting a foul, foul stench across sports that we tend to gloss over.  Shame on you, Red Sox ownership.  Shame on you ‘anonymous source.’  Shame on you, Bob Hohler.  Shame on you millionaires who couldn’t be coerced to care (especially you, Lackey you piece of trash).  And shame on us.  We kept going.  We keep buying.  The Red Sox will not stop making money.

Maybe next year they’ll earn it.

That’s it, rant over.  I’m sorry for any lack of cohesion or rambling.  I had lots to say and tried to be concise.  I’m very angry and you all should be too.  Red Sox fans, baseball fans, and sports fans, this situation should leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Thanks for sticking it out, all 3 of our loyal readers.

Apologies for any language.

I hate John Lackey.

I hate what happened.

I can only hold on to hope.

The Walking Dead comes back tomorrow, so for at least 2 hours, I will forget about this situation entirely.

Watch it, Ducks, and remember….

Damn the man, don’t let him get you down.

(empire records quote, classic film)

-W

I’ll be down at Fenway on Wednesday.  That’s where the movement starts.

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Filed under Cajones, DID YOU KNOW THAT?, MLB, offseason, Opinion, Posted, Put Up or Shut Up, Random Thoughts

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