So here’s something new: a college football post! HUZZAH!
I love college football, and this year has not been short on excitement. If you’ve been living under a rock and didn’t see the Michigan State (MY FAVORITE TEAM GO SPARTY) beat Wisconsin (Mr. Russell Wilson, ladies and gents, is like a Madden create-a-player) on an epic, epic, epic hail mary, go look for it now. Right now. DO IT.
But I’m not here to bask in the Michigan State glory, as glorious as it might be.
Being the consumer of sports that I am, very little slips my considerable mental grasp. However, the Case Keenum (a solid, solid athlete name) situation has snuck up on me. In case you don’t know who he is, Keenum is the starting QB for the surprisingly good Houston football team. he is in his 6th year, which by itself is pretty awesome in a “Van Wilder” kind of way, but it’s actually justified. He arrived at Houston and they had this guy named Kevin Kolb, who was pretty good, ya know? After the redshirt Freshman year, Keenum won the job and hasn’t looked back. He tore his ACL in 2010, which allowed the NCAA to grant him another year of eligibility. He’s a stud. He is the All-Time NCAA leader in total offensive yards (among a slew of other records) with a career total of 16,952 yards. He runs. He throws. Yards on Yards on Yards, as YC might say.
So I gots me to thinkin’ – a dangerous thing. How much distance is that, really? Yes, wiseass, it is nearly 17,000 yards, I can round up too. be quiet.
So I did some calculations on my abacus:
– 16, 952 yards = 50856 feet = 9.6 miles = 610270 inches
– That’s over 50,000 Subway 5-dollar footlong subs. Imagine how many times that goddamn song would get stuck in your head.
– Or over 1000 King Kongs standing on each other shoulders
– 155 Godzillas lined end to end (don’t tell Matthew Broderick)
– that’s about 282 rolls of standard duct tape
– With that many yards, Keenum could walk up and down the side of the Empire State Building 17 times
-Or run around the bases 141 times.
– 16,952 yards is approximately 506,448 US half-dollars lined up next to one another.
– his yardage is roughly the length of 1816 human intestinal systems (large and small together). Happy Halloween, that’s super gross.
– That’s approximately 40685 steps (toe to heel) in Shaquille O’Neal’s size-23 shoes
– the same height as a tower of 1,937,365 Oreos
– within that length, you could park almost 510 G6 jets end-to-tip. This would cost roughly $29,580,000,000 to do at base cost. Just sayin’. Diddy is already considering this.