Tag Archives: 2013 season

Fantasy Mustache: Shortstop

Loyalty, Above All Else: Sean Rodriguez

I cannot tell you exactly why there are so many articles and mentions of Sean Rodriguez on this silly little site.  I think some time after he broke into the league my buddy Dave and I decided he was primed to break out, given our expert opinions.  He plays multiple positions, a favorite fantasy attribute of mine, and fit the ‘Swiss Army’ profile both Dave and I enjoy so thoroughly it inspired a series of posts.  Rodriguez did not break out.  What he did was become a useful glue player, playing solid defense at 2B, SS and 3B capable of hitting an occasional XBH and stealing a few bases.  He does nothing. spectacular, despite the wishes of many here at DotP.

Bill James is so un-enthused with Rodriguez’s mediocrity that he has chopped the guy’s plate appearances to a mere 256 in 2013:

14 2B / 1 3B / 8 HR / 37 R / 32 RBI / 6 SB / .246 AVG / .328 OBP / .730 OPS

According to James, Sean Rodriguez is on a hill, and he will continue to tumble down.  These projections are one big MEH-fest.  I refuse to hear that.  Not our guy.  Not Sean Rodriguez.  The Rays are a likable team and Rodriguez is a likable guy.  And that’s the problem, clearly.  Studies have shown that nice guys, in fact, finish last (Dr. B. Armstrong et al).  Or at the very least don’t bring home that World Series Trophy.  To save his career, Rodriguez must top being nice and start getting…. evil.  Or real, I guess.  Point being, the man’s getting a villain-esque makeover


Evil Sean Rodriguez: Part Terminator, part Captain Hook, ALL hitting machine.  This is no mere mustache awakening, this is a hostile position takeover.  Note the glare.  The sinister eyebrows.  The dastardly twirl of his facial hairs.  This is a man fed up with being told by Bill James he will be below average.  This is a man who is going to make sure Elliot Johnson doesn’t take another ground ball at SS.  Evil Sean Rodriguez will seize the position.  He will bat 568 times.  He will prove his doubters wrong.  Haters will perish under his lazereyed gaze.  Observe the Mustache-bot 2000’s calculations:

37 2B / 9 3B / 19 HR / 73 R / 81 RBI / 33 SB / .301 AVG / .398 OBP / .963 OPS

We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to create a new Sean Rodriguez.  Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.  MANIACAL LAUGH…. MANIACAL LAUGH… MANIACAL LAUGH!

But seriously, Sean Rodriguez.  Grow a mustache.  Play better.  Or I’m going to have to stop writing about you.

Stay groomed,



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Filed under Baseball, Fantasy Baseball, MLB, shortstop, Sleepers

Winning and the 2013 Houston Astros: A Gambler’s Dilemma

Every year Vegas (and make-the-biggest-little-mistake-of-your-life Reno) release lines for win totals for MLB teams.  Usually they are not particularly noteworthy, especially to non-gamblers.  However, this year the Astros have caught my eye by the sheer sadness of their awful awfulness.  Their odds to win the World Series according to Vegas (via VegasInsider, a simple Google search will find you this stuff) is currently set at 100:1.  To be clear the Chicago Cubs, who are almost certainly not going to win it all, have odds of 40:1.  Furthermore, their over/under for wins in 2013 is set at 59.5.  That’s very bad.  Very bad.  I have also heard talk they were considering placing the line lower, in the 53-win range.  And as Jonathan Bernhardt over at Sports on Earth puts it (in this really great article, which I recommend reading):

“the Astros won 55 games last year, just traded their best hitter by a wide and clear margin to Oakland, and are reportedly shopping Bud Norris around as we speak. They also moved from the NL Central to the AL West, and while I’m no big believer in the Mariners, even they’re well-enough equipped to steal Houston’s lunch money, to say nothing of the Rangers, Angels, and Athletics.”

I could not have put it better myself (hence the big ‘ol quote).  He briefly touches on the question I immediately thought of when I found out the Vegas odds – do any of us really think the 2013 Astros are bad enough to lose THAT many games?  Would someone really bet that under at 52.5?  Well, I’ve decided to ask our 13 readers – just how bad do YOU think the Astros are going to be in 2013?

(Keep in mind the all-time record for futility is the 1962 Mets, who went 40-120, and the 2003 Tigers who sadly played all 162 and went 43-119)

Craig Biggio ain’t walkin’ through that door, folks.

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Filed under Baseball, MLB, poll

Fantasy Mustache


Life, as fictional characters have said, finds a way.  Sure the quote speaks more to chaos theory but, hey, it’s a versatile phrase.  Life finds a way of leading you away… then leading you back through the doldrums.

I’m back.  One can only stand idly by on the internet for so long.  I have, however, come to terms with a few things; a) My brain is simply not capable of rationalizing and writing to the level of much smarter people on the interwebs, b) there is a beautiful, flourishing universe of absurdist sports commentary, and c) I am remarkably capable of being ridiculous.

So let’s leave (for the most part) the statistical analyses and prospect breakdowns to people with Economics degrees and a love for excel.  I have lots of important questions to address as the season approaches.  The first?  By position, which players would have the best fantasy baseball season if they grew a kick-ass mustache?

The research is under way and the results are soon to follow.  Though I’d imagine the long layoff could have alienated our already non-existent readership, feel free to chime in with your musings on the topic if you’re not a robot.

We can start with an example:


Now that’s a manager of the year mustache if I’ve ever seen one.


Vinnie the Gooch, back in action.  Stay tuned for the first position up – Catcher.

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