Tag Archives: Chicago White Sox

Fantasy Mustache: Second Base

despite this indication, things are not thumbs-in-an-upward-direction for Mr. Beckham. Cool hat, though.

Gordon Beckham needs help.  Tearing through the minors at an absurd pace (259 plate appearances.  That’s no typo, I triple checked), Gordon showed immense promise with a very solid rookie year in 2009.  Hopes were once high, now most fantasy owners would accept a leap to mediocrity.  The last two years, Beckham scraped by with WARs of 1.0 and 0.8, respectively (yuck).  Jamey Carroll tripled that, to put things in context.

Beckham could use any and all help, just look at Bill James’ projected numbers for the young second baseman.

31 2B / 67 R / 15 HR / 62 RBI / .246 AVG / .314 OBP / .712 OPS

Beckham needs to rejuvenate his still young career.  Perhaps his lack of minor league experience has resulted in a fundamental lack of knowledge on some of the deeper hoodoo rituals  (reference, here) and good luck tricks.  I am sure he has studied hours of video, tinkered with his swing, called his high school coach, tried a different pre-game meal etc.  But those are small scale.  Beckham needs a supernatural performance overhaul.  He needs, if you will, a mystical makeover.  He needs a mustache.


wow. that’s a fuzzy mouth doormat.



Look at that thing.  Really look at it.  That is a power mustache.  Look at that face.  The intensity of that gaze is now matched by the intensity of that pushbroom under his nose.

Gone is the meandering young man with the sub-1 WAR.  Enter the Beckham Wrecker, a true force on the field.  With perfect hair atop his head and billowing from his nostrils, he is ready to blossom into the player we once believed in.  Wielding his bats like a Bunyanian axe, a Beckham mustache season will be one to remember.  Here’s the readout from the Mustache Season Processing Unit:

40 2B / 88 R / 22 HR / 99 RBI / .297 AVG / .385 OBP / .820 OPS

Observe.  A mustache really brings up Gordon’s lagging stats.  No longer a free-swinging hooligan, Beckham has refined his approach and game as he has refined his facial hair.  This type of mustache growth demonstrates a commitment.  These follicles need time and care.  The patience and dedication to his upper lip will spill over to his craft and Beckham will no doubt stop being terrible.  This is more than science, people.  This delves into something deeper.  Something spiritual.  A mustache is more than a growth.  It is a statement of faith in yourself, which Beckham clearly needs.


And if the mustache doesn’t work, Gordon can always call upon Jobu:

Stay groomed, ‘readers’





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Filed under Baseball, MLB, offseason, second base

Don’t You Forget About Me: Dayan Viciedio


Dayan Viciedo

While everyone (including the White Sox) has been clamoring over the newest Cuban defector, Yoenis Cespedes, the South Siders have had a Cuban mash artist stashed all along.  Dayan Viciedo has had little exposure in the majors (104 AB in 2010, 102 AB in 2011) but performed well in the minors, hitting 20 homers both of the last two years in AAA.  If you’ve seen him play (which I have both in person and on TV), you can see that he has very evident raw power.  His 20 homers in AAA Charlotte in 2010?  They came in 363 plate appearances.  That’s a homer every 18.5 plate appearances.  That’s excellent.  Viciedo lacks plate discipline- he’s definitely a prototypical “free-swinger.”  But he also has very solid contact rates (swinging at 35ish% pitches outside the strike zone is a large number but maintaining a 75ish% overall contact rate means he has the ability to hit the balls he swings at, regardless of the strike zone).

He ranks as the 72nd Outfielder on Mock Draft Central’s list.  To be clear, that is behind Seth Smith (64th), Alejandro De Aza (69th), and Lorenzo Cain (57th).  His ADP is 225.48, with a 41% draft rate (as of the date of writing).  By that point in the draft, you should not be going for Seth Smith, honestly.  At least the other two have sorts-of upside.  My point is this- you can’t argue with his ADP, Viciedo is unproven.  But at that point in the draft, upside is king, and the Cuban Tank has power upside to spare.  His upside has upside.  While De Aza and Cain have upside to be more effective than their positions (if you’re drafting Smith over them, you’re a lost cause or in a HUGE draft), Viciedo has POWER.  Power, for the first time in a long time, is legitimately at a premium.  Late in the draft, go for the Cuban.  Players taken that late are likely to be dropped.  Unlike the others around him and the ones I mentioned, Viciedo has not had the opportunity to prove himself.  25-30 homers that late in a draft could be the power bump that puts you into the playoffs.  He’s competing against the aforementioned DeAza, the ghost of Alexis Rios, and Brent Lillibridge (in addition to anyone they pick up before spring training, like, say, Cespedes.).  My bet is he starts in Right all year(Bill James has him playing 132 games.  Reasonable enough).  He’ll get the shot to swat some dingers.

Analysis complete.  Don’t you forget about…


(not Dayan Viciedo)


… Dayan Viciedo


BONUS: How great is the old school Sox logo?


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Filed under Baseball, BOOMSHAKALAKKA, JUAN URIBE, MLB, outfield, Posted, Put Up or Shut Up, Sleepers, third base