Tag Archives: russell

Fantasy Mustache: Catchers

Comeback Mustache of the Year

Martin is not impressed.

Before he went to the Yankees, I was a big Russell Martin fan.  An athletic catcher, he both threw and ran well, leading to some of my favorite in-game scenarios where he would both throw someone out bunting then bunt himself and beat it out (doesn’t that just always seems extra, extra awesome for a catcher?).  He was bad for the Yankees.  His homer total was inflated, as would a four-year old’s, by Yankee Stadium Redux so, statistically, and as catchers go, I suppose he was serviceable.  I happen to think he’s a better player.

Here are Bill James’ projections for My favorite Martin in 2013:

//112 hits// 22 2B // 16 HR // 64 R // 60 RBI // 8 SB // .242 AVG //

Leading to a deep “MEH,” from all concerned.  Where is the fleet of foot Martin, the .280 -. 300 hitter Martin?  Who is this manicured man?!

Martin is in obvious need of a mustache makeover (tv rights pending on that one, folks).  I understand that players deteriorate over time blah blah blah but this guy was pretty nifty not even 5 years ago!  So I fired up the math machines and the facial composite sketchers andWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!!?

BOOM.

Russ beat me to it!  He is obviously not only a ballplayer, but has a keen understanding of the mysticism of the mustache.  Let us reconsider his projections, now knowing he has reconsidered his look.  I’ll bet Mr. Bill James doesn’t have a way of computing mustache value-added, but I sure do:

//177 hits// 30 2B // 19 HR // 88 R // 77 RBI // 22 SB // .333 AVG // PLUS 4 TRIPLES!

As you can see, Russell got his groove back.  Freed from the shackles of the hair-hating Yankees, Martin can be himself once more.  With his smoothly Gatsby-esque new fur, Martin will undoubtedly make the leap to an upper-class season.  Just look at that careful constructed cookie-duster.  He will regain not only his stroke but his deceptive quickness.  Again, I point you to the devious flavor saver.  Is that not the look of a man capable of swiping double-digit bases?  Is that not the look of a man who will find clever means to get on base?  Is that not the look of a man who would make an excellent addition to your barbershop quartet (alto, duh)?  Of COURSE it is, that is a mustache of confidence, a mustache of class – a mustache of redemption. 

Martin is poised, nay groomed,  for a better 2013.  And he knows it is due to his upper lip.  That is the smile of a man who knows the future is out there, a single green light, if you will, and Martin is ready to take it… even if it’s in Pittsburgh and not West Egg.

If you don’t get the reference, that’s okay.  There’s a movie coming out soon.

Tomorrow I’ll tackle the mustache sleepers.  If Russell Martin is any indication, the future is bright for potentially moustachioed ballplayers.

Stay groomed,

-v

Leave a comment

Filed under Baseball, catchers, Fantasy Baseball, MLB, Opinion, Posted, Random Thoughts

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

One of my most favorite shows growing up was Bill Nye the Science Guy (or his site).  My favorite segment was always the ‘DID YOU KNOW THAT?’ bit that ended with the same crazy voice echoing, ‘KNOW YOU KNOW….’

Long and short of it, the show was truly the only reason many of us thought science was cool, and that segment always hit the spot.  Knowing this, and knowing I’m always looking for a gimmick (like, say, letting one of our friends write instead of me… don’t judge our back catalog ladies and germs, I was n ‘sabbatical’), I think you know what’s coming:

DID YOU KNOW THAT…

… Roy Halladay, the notorious control king has an excellent K:BB ratio of 6.61.  Cliff Lee is just being ridiculous this year.  His K:BB?  14.833.  CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WOULD BE GOING ON IF HE HAD STAYED IN PHILLY?! @#$%&*!

… in 85 at bats (entering tonight) over the past month Cliff Pennington, yes THAT Cliff Pennington has 6 doubles, 4 triples, and 5 stolen bases?  And a .436 on-base percentage to boot?

… Scotty Podsednik has 6 sacrifice flies (4 the past month).  He has 10 sacrifice bunts.  He has been caught stealing 10 times.  You do not want this man on your wiffle ball team.

… We were kinda right about this Sean Rodriguez guy?

and he wears his socks high. much respect.

Russell Martin, the bane of my fantasy existence at catcher, has a BB:K ratio of 40:48.  He’s having a decent season, by most accounts.  His OPS?  .684.  Would you like to know who has a higher OPS?  My grandmother (drum rollcymbal crash).  Gosh I’m like butta’  I’m so  a roll.

…Ricky Nolasco has given up 20 homers.   That in and of itself is a stat to look at.  He has given up 115 hits.  I will do the math for you:  that is 17.39% of his hits surrendered going over fences.  AND 9 of the last 42 hits he has given up were homers (21.43%).  Ricky, just hit the guy!

… but Randy Wolf (who had a 5 homer-allowed game) has him beat.  Over the past month (30 innings) , Wolf has surrendered 14 walks and 27 hits.  How many for long john silverbombs?  9.  That, ladies and germs, is 1/3, or 33.3%  Wow.  Hopefully, you have benched him accordingly.  And have prayed to the trade gods.

… Speaking of trades, J.J. Putz hasn’t given up a run his last 12 and 1/3 innings- Will someone please let him close?  Or can the Red Sox trade for him?  I just watched Hideki Okeydokeyjima give up a laser to Crawford.  The other Sox don’t need him.  Please?

Joey Votto leads the NL in runs created.  He has 21 homers and 59 RBI’s.  His OBP is .395.  He has 751 total bases.  His middle name is Daniel.  And he might not be an All-Star.  This is sad.  And infuriating to all Votto owners.   But also a sad commentary on the voting system for the game and how it is treated by the MLB

… Over the last month, your #4 and #6 leaders in hits?  Gaby Sanchez (39) and David Dejesus (38).  This is interesting to me, sorry.

Carlos Santana is VERY good. (9 2B’s and 5 Homers good.)

… That Wilson Betemit is still in the Majors?

BACK OFF I'M STARVING

OK that was mean.  But NOW YOU KNOW!

-w

1 Comment

Filed under DID YOU KNOW THAT?, MLB, Opinion, Posted, Random Thoughts